Dedicated to all Standard Poodles - Everywhere
To all of you, at shows or not
A standard brings trouble ( an awful lot).
It’s not the time or noise you mind
But the things around the house they find.
The carpet and the new armchair
And ‘specs” that stop reflected glare.
Matches, candles, sheets from beds
Finds them all - rips them to shreds.
What’s that noise? I’d better look-
That’s the end of my new library book.
Now what’s that he’s got down his throat?
It looks like half a five dollar note.
Into the garden, the day is fine
Where’s the washing from the line?
What’s that now? Oh no don’t laugh
He’s got that lovely photograph.
Now there’s nothing he can get
Except - oh dear, that red rosette.
I buy some stuff ( It’s called ‘Stop Chew”)
Now he’s gone and chewed that too.
I really cannot try much harder
(There’s even padlocks on the larder)
I must admit that he’s looking frisky
I’m sure I poured myself a glass of whisky.
Really, I can take no more
What’s the wet patch on the floor?
He thinks it funny I expect
Now that the house is almost wrecked.
All of these things I swear are true
He’s even had a pot of glue.
But through all times, although a pest.
THE STANDARD POODLE IS STILL THE BEST.
Humorously (???) contributed by Groomers themselves, from all parts of the country. Maybe this will explain why we sometimes appear crabby.
- Call in to make an appointment. Tell the groomer you have an adorable little poodle puppy (1 and a half years old) it’s ALREADY been done ONCE before..........but you just didn't like the way the previous groomer did it. You want it in a puppy cut.....and oh by the way, those tangles just fall right out when you brush him a little.
- Bring your one year old poodle "puppy" in for it's "first" grooming...now that she has enough hair.
- Make sure your pet relieves itself on the walkway outside your groomer’s door.....so he doesn't mess on the floor.
- Always ask for a little something extra, more hair off here or there, different colour bow.....just be a PITA customer....nothing is ever right, ever.....and
- Never tip before you leave, no matter how much extra time and attention the groomer gave to your "custom" job.
- Bathe then brush your long haired dog.
- Never comb out your dog's coat in between appointments.
- Feed your dog one hour before your appointment.
- Come in two hours late for your appointment or don't show at all.
- Make sure you wait until after closing time to pick up your dog
- As you walk out the door when dropping off your dog, let the groomer know that Fluffy has never bitten anybody.
- Teach your dog that brushing is a game and its fun to bite the brush.
- Play with your dogs feet so that he will bite any hand that goes near its feet
- Be sure to let your groomer know that you only bring Fifi in twice a year now because she is so old....and leave the hair long to cover all the warts.
- Pressure your groomer to have your dog done in too short of a time period.
- Call up and complain about the $5 extra brushing charge for your 2yr.old Standard that had NEVER been groomed before.
- Make an appointment at one shop and show up at another. . .
- Don't bother to cancel your appt.....just show up ""whenever"" with FIFI and make up some excuse like, I tried to call but... I just have to have her done NOW....
- No Show on your appointment day and show up the next day pretending that your appointment is today.....
- Come back for your dog an half hour early and stand there in plain view while the groomer tries to do the finish.
- Drop in with your chow, sammie, malamute or standard poodle as close to closing time as possible with a sob story about why it is an emergency groom job.
- Brag about your Kerry's propensity for killing small poodles and cats.
- Bring in a dog that is solid mats, bites and write a rubber check.
- Don't take your pet ""out"" before coming in for your appt. She always gets a little "scared"" you know, at these kinds of places and besides, your groomer has those paper towels just hanging there for these ""little"" accidents.
- Don't show up for pet pick-up time at the given hour....just "anytime"" you happen to be driving by the shop and stop in to see if FIFI is ready.
- Don't bother to tell the groomer FiFi has been sick for the last few days, until the groomer calls and wonders why FiFi isn't quite herself. By that time, all the dogs in the shop have been exposed to????
- Always complain about something and never tip or say thank you for a job will done.
Wait till the last possible moment to call for a holiday appt. and sound surprised when the answer is no. Repeat for all holidays, year after year....
- Car Sticker: “It’s a shame – kids run wild while dogs go to obedience classes.”
- “Someone should give that judge a copy of the standard.”
“Yes, and in Braille.”
- “Since my wife started going to dog shows, she’s on the phone constantly talking to other dog people. What can I do about it.? The phone is always busy.”
“Buy her a dog that wins and no-one will talk to her!”
- “A couple came to use my stud dog the other day. When I quoted the fee, they conferred and left in a huff. What was wrong?”
“The husband was jealous!”
- If all the judges were lined up along the rim of the Grand Canyon, what would you have?”
“A perfect opportunity.”